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The Piedmont Highlander

The Piedmont Highlander

The senior voice: in February

The day I got into college, I decided to skip a single assignment as an acknowledgement of my status as a definite future college student. I chose a short one: just a few notes on a short section of a textbook. Everything was going well, I was celebrating and eating pie, and then it was time to go to sleep. Homework not done. Good job Lizzy, slacking off. But when I got into bed and tried to fall asleep, visions of my teacher’s disappointed face, my mom’s upset face, and rescinded acceptances danced before my eyes and kept me awake. The night ended with me getting up again at 11:30 to take my notes.

The instinct to work hard in school is deeply ingrained in me by this point, and digging it out isn’t as easy for me as just making the decision to start working less hard. Second semester senior year is often touted as the end of real work and the best part of the high school career, but so far it doesn’t feel all that different. I still get assignments that I have to do, I still have tests to study for, and my grades still matter. My college of choice told me that by agreeing to enroll there, I also agreed to maintain my current level of academic success. I’m terrified to let my grades go because I’ve worked so hard to get in that getting kicked out would kill me. I’m also afraid of arriving on my fairly intellectual college’s campus to meet a bunch of students who decided to use their second semesters to work extra hard and learn everything they could before coming to the college.

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t think I’m alone in hating to disappoint people. I know I would rather be yelled at any day than see that most horrible of expressions on someone’s face. So I don’t like seeing dissatisfaction on the faces of people who expect a certain level of academic achievement from me, and I don’t like the feeling of disappointment in myself that I get when I perform poorly. Getting back a test with a D or an F on the top and knowing that I could have done better is one of the most unpleasant feelings I’ve experienced. In fact, it’s such an unpleasant feeling for me that I prefer to continue to work hard instead of having fun and feeling like a failure later.

So unlike my friend Peter Hession, I won’t be getting yolked during second semester. I cannot let go of the expectations, but I also don’t think that’s such a bad thing.

Contact Lizzy Kelleher at ekelleher@tphnews.com

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