Sorry, do you have a pen?
Sorry, can I ask a question?
Sorry, can you pass the salt?
We hear these phrases–and say them–every day. “Sorry” has become much more prevalent, now even more popular than “wait,” though perhaps not quite as common as “literally” or “like.” Nevertheless, “sorry” is on the rise. And as you might have noticed, girls tend to be the most frequent users. A study out of the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada discovered that while women do apologize more than men do, it’s not because women have more to apologize for–they don’t. The reason women say sorry more often is because they have a lower standard for what merits an apology; while a small offense may be deemed unworthy of an apology by a male, a female is much more likely to say sorry no matter the degree of the offense. And now, “sorry” has become a part of the female’s everyday vocabulary, something a girl might say just to ask a question.
But stop. Wait a minute. Ladies, what are you apologizing for? Think about it for a minute. Are you sorry for asking your friend for a ballpoint? Did you have to apologize when the teacher called on you before asking your question? Will your brother be angry at you for asking him to pass you the salt? Saying sorry is clearly unnecessary in these situations, and it seems that, unfortunately, the unnecessary apologies are the most common ones.
Think about how these constant apologies change the way others think about us, and the way we think about ourselves. By apologizing before you’ve even said your piece, you automatically make yourself seem inferior, weaker. It’s like saying, “I’m sorry you have to even listen to the words I’m saying. Sorry for taking up space.” If you have nothing to apologize for but you say sorry anyways, you accuse yourself of wrongdoing despite having done nothing wrong. It’s self-demeaning, self-incriminating.
Sorry is everywhere. And generally, the more of something you have, the less you value it. So the sorry epidemic might be making genuine apologies harder to come by, and harder to express. A true “I’m sorry” is valuable, and critical in maintaining relationships and making up for mistakes. By constantly saying sorry, we have cheapened the word, devalued it to a common conversational word–a filler, like “um” or “uh” or “well.” Yes, it might be a colloquial way of interrupting (in which case you do have a reason to apologize), catching someone’s attention, or getting someone to repeat themselves. But again, listen to yourself and ask: What am I sorry for? Save your apologies for the situations that merit a true “sorry,” and for the people who actually need to hear it.
Even Barbie agrees with me. In a video on her YouTube channel, Barbie talks about the “sorry reflex” that a lot of girls have, and she challenged her friends with something that inspired me to challenge you. Here it is: Go an entire day without saying sorry. (With the exception of a true, genuine, necessary apology, of course.) Twenty-four hours, no frivolous sorries allowed. If you try it, you’ll notice how hard it is to avoid that word, how you automatically put “sorry” before nearly everything you say. Barbie recommends saying “thank you” instead of sorry–thank you for understanding, rather than sorry to bother you. But in most situations, you can just ditch the sorry and leave it at that. Try it. Could I borrow a pen? Here is my question. Pass the salt, please!
Twenty-four hours without sorry. Your time starts now.
